Here in Orlando, we’re greeted by 10,000 people who all think they’re the next American Idol. We doubt it, but okay. Kristin Chenoweth is tonight’s guest judge. Yay! Someone good, for once!

Theo Glinton shows up with some pieces of mirror and feathers glued to his head, and a sparkly cape. Well, this ought to be good and stupid. Then he tells us he sees himself as a hairdresser in ten years. So why is he here? We don’t get it. He opts to scream instead of singing, then tries to compare himself to Jennifer Hudson. Then after the judges cut him, he proceeds to wander around the room like a moron, trying to find his way out. Really? We’re bored already, ten minutes into the show.

Yet ANOTHER montage of people acting like morons leads to a montage of Kara and Kristin acting like morons. Simon is annoyed, and so are we.

Next is Seth Rollins, who has an autistic son. The footage of the kid screaming and freaking out when he walks into the audition room is a nice touch. (Please note, the previous statement was dripping with sarcasm.) But anyway, back to things that matter. He’s got a decent voice, but we’re not crazy about his song choice. He needs a bit more personality, but he does have a nice calming quality. He makes it to Hollywood.

Here’s another montage of people talking about how being on Idol would change their lives. Just to review: in 20 minutes of show, we’ve seen two auditions. This is ridiculous.

Jermaine Purifoy auditioned in season 7, but felt he wasn’t ready at the time. Now he’s back to try again… and we’re glad. We remember him, and he’s much improved since then. He has a very honest quality and a smooth voice. One of the better auditions we’ve seen so far this season, and the judges agree. He makes it to Hollywood.

Shelby Dressel was born with an underdeveloped nerve in the right side of her face, and grew up unable to use half of her face. That doesn’t stop her from being a good singer… until she forgets the lyrics and freaks out. It’s actually kind of cute, though, and she has a refreshing quality about her. The judges decide to forgive the screw-up and send her to Hollywood.

Day two begins, and Kristin Chenoweth has left us. We were excited to see her at the beginning of the show, but now we’re not terribly sad to see her go.

Jay Stone apparently missed the memo that this is a singing competition, because  he shows up and beatboxes. Then, as an afterthought, he sings too… and the judges beatbox OVER his singing. Nice to see that singing is even secondary to the judges on this show now. And in case we weren’t already annoyed enough, they send him to Hollywood. For beatboxing. On a show about singing. Ack.

Janell Wheeler, Brittany Star James and Kasi Bedford all make it to Hollywood, but apparently they’re not annoying or stupid enough to warrant much screen time. This is nothing new.

Cornelius Edwards gets through one line of “Proud Mary” (which he calls “Rollin’”) before doing a really scary-looking split… ripping his pants… and stopping the song to announce that he’s ripped his pants. The one line he did sing was terrible, but apparently crushing your boy parts on the floor gives you a free pass to Hollywood, because the judges put him through to the next round. Now we’re not just annoyed, we’re disgusted.

When sisters Bernadette and Amanda Desimone walk in, we predict what’s going to happen. They’re made of plastic, they’re wearing 8 pounds of makeup and they’re dressed like tramps, so of COURSE they’re going to make it to Hollywood. The audition together… both are mediocre… and both make it to Hollywood. No big surprises there.

We have no words for Jarrod Norell. We just don’t care. He shows up, tells us he’s the best singer ever and he’s going to win, and then brutalizes “Amazing Grace” in a completely unoriginal way. The judges tell him he’s crap, and he starts singing again. Security shows up to escort him out, and he refuses to leave. Security tries to remove him, and he falls to the floor and refuses to get up and is eventually escorted out by the police. YAWN.

Finally we meet Matthew Lawrence, who robbed a bank when he was 15 and spent several years in jail. Well that’s great, but since he was a minor at the time and wouldn’t have even had to disclose that to the producers if he didn’t want to, we smell the exploitation of a sob story. We’re automatically turned off. Then when he sings, we’re even less enthused. He’s not BAD, but he’s not great and we’re pretty sure we’d be bored after a song or two. The judges, however, drool all over themselves and send him to Hollywood.

Next stop, Los Angeles!