Welcome to Denver, the city we first met Chris Daughtry in. This time around, the size of the crowd has doubled. Here’s hoping there’s some talent among them. Unfortunately, Victoria Beckham is back as a guest judge… because she was so useful the first time and everything. It’s going to be a long hour.

Mark Labriola says people tell him all the time that he looks like Jack Black. We think those people should have their eyes examined. Then he tells us that when he was 4, his mother took him against his father’s will and he was “on the run” with her for six years. We don’t care, that’s got nothing to do with music. Surprisingly, though, he’s pretty good… and he has a lot of personality. He makes it to Hollywood.

After a montage of people doing stupid things, we meet Mario Galvan. His laugh kind of makes us want to bomb something. And speaking of bombing things, what’s with the green trench coat? Weird. His voice isn’t QUITE as bad as we expected, but he’s certainly not good enough for this show. It’s a no.

Kimberly Kerbow is way too cutesy, and her voice is way too small. But she’s pretty, and she brings her cute daughter with her, and her cute daughter has drawn pictures for the judges, so of course she makes it to the next round. Yawn.

Here’s a montage of people who are actually good and make it to Hollywood… and of course, we don’t get to hear any of them sing, because talent is secondary. We’re annoyed.

Danelle Hayes hosts karaoke and sings in a cover band for a living. She whines and cries because she’s been trying to accomplish a music career for a whole… TWO YEARS. Boo hoo. That’s nothing compared to some artists we can think of. But bitterness about that aside, we still don’t like her. She’s just another, much less talented, version of Pink. But she makes it to Hollywood anyway.

Casey James does not possess any star quality at all, and his personality severely lacks, but the girls think he’s pretty. Simon hits the nail on the head when he says he has zero charisma and will never make it, but the other three judges put him through for reasons that should have nothing to do with anything. This is why we resent this show.

Tori Kelly is 16, and she brings a cute kid with her, so of course she’s going to make it to Hollywood. She does have a good voice, but it’s nothing we haven’t heard before. Of course the judges drool over the fact that she’s 16, as we predicted. She makes it to Hollywood. Shock. Awe.

Austin Paul’s ego is big enough that we really want to kick him in the face. We doubt he’ll actually have talent, but even if he does, we won’t be interested. Not that it matters anyway, because he can’t carry a tune in a bucket. It’s a no.

As Kenny Everett is about to illustrate for us, it’s never a good thing when someone starts an audition by saying, “I’m the world’s greatest singer.” He does not even come close, but of course when the judges tell him so, he argues with them and refuses to stop singing. Where’s the fast forward button?

Another montage of people who suck, and we meet… Nicci Nix. Well that’s not a fake name at all. She’s flown from Florence, Italy to be here, so apparently we’re supposed to be impressed. Her voice is annoying when she talks, and not much less annoying when she sings. She’s not very good, but she’s gimmicky, so she makes it to Hollywood. We’re still annoyed.

Haeley Vaughn is 16. She was also born 2 months early, weighed two pounds at birth, couldn’t breathe on her own, and her father died when she was ten. We don’t even have to hear her sing to know she’s going to make it to Hollywood. She says she wants to be the first black country/pop singer. Is she unfamiliar with Darius Rucker and Cowboy Troy? But anyway. She’s fairly decent, we suppose. She makes it to Hollywood.

26 people make it to Hollywood. This thankfully does not include the guy who shows up in a bikini.

Tomorrow night, we’ll see… SOME GOOD AUDITIONS! Holy poo!