It’s results night again, but before we find out what we actually care to know, we’ll have to sit through performances by Harry Connick, Jr. and Lady Gaga. Wait. Lady Gaga? On Sinatra week? Well, that’s awkward and inappropriate. Oh well, guess they have to fill that hour somehow.
 
First, the top 5 sings a medley of Sinatra standards- in other words, it’s naptime. Every week, we think these group performances couldn’t possibly get any worse. And every week, we’re proven wrong. This is a hot mess.
 
The Ford music video is cutesy and really pretty lame. And the vocals are weak, like the singing was an afterthought. Really? Are we still watching the right show here?
 
The only redeeming moment of the night is the behind the scenes footage from Tuesday. We miss the days when there was stuff like this every week. We miss feeling like we actually know something about the contestants as people. Why can’t we do this more often? Oh wait, we forgot, we can’t do that because then there’d be less time for commercials and shameless plugs of other, already established artists’ work. Sigh.
 
One result is in- Lee Dewyze is safe. We see it coming- Seacrest is going to split everyone else into two groups and try to force Lee to choose which other two contestants are safe. So predictable.
 
Lady Gaga performs her new single “Alejandro” while dressed like the bride of Frankenstein. Her performances are like a bad car crash- you don’t want to look, but you can’t stop yourself. This one is no different.
 
After a montage of Harry Connick, Jr. being obnoxious, he performs. We nearly fall asleep. Really, there’s not much else to say. Then he accompanies the top 5 while they perform a medley of his songs and we sink deeper into our suicidal tendencies.
 
Back to the results- and we were right. Seacrest splits them down the middle- Crystal Bowersox and Casey James in one group, Aaron Kelly and Michael Lynche in another. Then he asks Lee if he would choose his group, and Lee refuses, like we knew he would. So, Seacrest just tells us that Crystal and Casey are safe, and Aaron and Michael are the bottom two. Michael? Really? Why? And why is Casey safe? Oh well.
 
Aaron Kelly is finally eliminated, which means Michael Lynche makes the top four. Aaron performs “Fly Me To The Moon” again, and while he sounds okay, the song is still incredibly dull, much like everything else this week.
 
Next week’s theme is Songs From The Cinema. Finally! Something that might actually include songs from this century! Jamie Foxx will be the mentor. He did a good job last year, so we look forward to it.