Idol Gives Back is happening tonight. That means lots of charity videos, lots of guest performances, lots of speeches, and five minutes of results. The show will actually even run longer than its allotted two hours. Oh boy.
 
Things start off with a message from President Obama and the First Lady, encouraging people to donate whatever they can and wishing the contestants luck on tonight’s elimination. Nice way to kick things off. Throughout the night, we’ll also see performances from the Black Eyed Peas, Carrie Underwood, Annie Lennox, Jeff Beck and Joss Stone, Mary J. Blige, Alicia Keys and Sir Elton John.
 
The top 12 is reunited to perform at the beginning of the show. Sadly enough, we had already forgotten several of these contestants. And by the time the show is over, we’ll probably have forgotten this performance too. It’s pretty dull.

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Tonight’s theme is inspirational songs, and the mentor is Alicia Keys. Tomorrow is the two-hour Idol Gives Back event we’ve been hearing about all season, full of guest performances.
 
Casey James opens tonight’s show with “Don’t Stop.” It’s the same crap he always does, posing with his guitar and singing passably well. It’s too tame, there’s not enough personality, and the whole thing is pretty forgettable. Our rating: 6/10
 
Lee Dewyze’s performance of “The Boxer” starts off shaky, but gets better as he goes. It’s still not the best we’ve heard from him, and we wish there was a little bit more connection, but it’s certainly nowhere near bad. While it’s not Lee’s personal best, it’s probably the strongest performance tonight. Our rating: 8/10

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Things are a little different tonight. Since the save was used on Michael Lynche last week, two people will be sent home by the end of tonight’s show. There will also be performances from Adam Lambert and Brooke White and Justin Gaston.
 
Tonight’s group performance is a ridiculously cheesy medley of Elvis songs. These things are always pretty stupid, but this one is even duller than the last few have been. Seems they only continually get worse. The Ford commercial, however, is marginally more entertaining this week. At least it’s something besides the same old dancing around in front of a CGI background again.
 
Time for some results. Seacrest calls Casey James, Andrew Garcia and Aaron Kelly to center stage. He babbles about long journeys for a minute or two, and then eliminates Andrew with no fanfare and no warning. Quick and painless. Wish it was like this every week, the show would be over in ten minutes. Andrew performs again, it’s just as boring as it always is, and we’re moving on.

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Tonight’s show is down to 90-minutes, so it’ll be mercifully fast-moving. The theme is Elvis, and the mentor is last season’s runner-up Adam Lambert.
 
Crystal Bowersox starts us off with “Saved.” We like that it’s more uptempo, but really, this is more of the same. She’s good, but she does the girl with guitar thing to death, and really, we’re kind of bored. Our rating: 7/10
 
Andrew Garcia chooses “Hound Dog.” This is a cheesy enough song on its own, and his arrangement makes it far worse. It’s like watching a geriatric Elvis on jazz night at the nursing home. So boring! Our rating: 4/10

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Another night of results- Seacrest tells us they’re shocking this week. But that’s far from being the first time we’ve heard that, so we’re not too worried just yet. We’ll also see performances by Jason Derulo, David Archuleta and Rihanna.
 
The group performance tonight is a Lennon/McCartney medley. It starts off fairly well, but then reverts to typical cheese. Long, dragged-out cheese. It’s slightly less cringe-inducing than other performances we’ve seen this season, but not by much.
 
The Ford commercial is much of the same CGI and dancing around with props. Yawn.
 
Siobhan Magnus, Crystal Bowersox and Katie Stevens are all asked to join Seacrest at center stage. Crystal is sent back to safety immediately… and so are Siobhan and Katie.
 
So now it’s time for Jason Derulo’s performance. It appears he raided Adam Lambert’s closet, then created a hybrid of Usher’s pyro and dancing, and Diddy’s obnoxious strobe lights, and called it a performance. Not much to say, since it’s every pop/hip hop performance we’ve seen for the past 15 or so years.

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Tonight is Lennon/McCartney night. Again. Well, hopefully it’s at least watchable.
 
Aaron Kelly starts us off with “The Long And Winding Road.” Just in case he wasn’t already a less entertaining clone of David Archuleta. The vocals are weak, the song is boring, and we still really wish he’d find his own identity. Our rating: 5/10
 
Katie Stevens chooses to sing “Let It Be.” It’d be much better if she sang it in a lower key. As such, it’s quite shaky and awkward at the beginning. It gets better, and it turns out it’s overall a pretty good performance, but mid-range alto is her money and she should have stayed there. Our rating: 7/10
 
Andrew Garcia says he’s going to change up his performance of “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Big shock there, doesn’t he do that every week? This is… okay. It’s very choppy. The chorus is quite catchy and entertaining, but the verses… not so much. Overall, the whole thing is kind of awkward and we doubt we’ll remember it for long. Our rating: 7/10

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Tonight’s episode begins with a Clash Of The Titans promotion. Maybe they should just cancel the show and air an hour of commercials every Wednesday. Oh, and tonight we’ll also see performances from Ruben Studdard, Usher and Diddy.
 
Things get moving with Ruben Studdard’s performance of “Don’t Make ‘Em Like You No More.” Well… wait. No, they really don’t. This is incredibly dull, much like everything else we’ve heard him do. Next.
 
The music for this week’s Ford commercial is none other than “Kung Fu Fighting.” Really? Just when we think these things couldn’t be any more ridiculously stupid, they pull this one out of the vaults. Sigh. Oh, and there’s also a mention of the top 10 being treated to a private screening of Clash Of The Titans.

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We can’t imagine R&B/soul night going well with a group that has so far appeared to be pretty soulless, but we’ll see. Tonight’s mentor is Usher, which we’re excited about.
 
Siobhan Magnus is first tonight. This is merciful, means we’ll get her over with quickly. She sings “Through The Fire.” Really badly. She’s shaky at the beginning, and when she starts trying to hit those high notes, she’s ridiculously off key. And of course, she has to end the whole thing with some obnoxious screaming. This is terrible, even for her. Our rating: 2/10
 
Casey James performs “Hold On I’m Coming.” It’s never been done on the show, so we’re happy for that, but that’s about as far as it goes. It’s just more of the same crap he always does, playing the guitar with some secondary sub-par singing. He relies far too heavily on everything that shouldn’t matter. But, at least he’s on key and sounds half decent, so points for that. Our rating: 6/10

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More results are in tonight, and with the exception of the one person who goes home, everyone left will be on this summer’s tour. Oh, and we also get to sit through performances by Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas. What is this, the kindergarten class trip?
 
The group performance of “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” is even more cringe-inducing than usual. Wham? Really? This is a whole new level of embarrassing!
 
The Ford commercial is more of the same- just a bunch of nonsensical CGI over a bland song. Remember when these used to actually be fun to watch? It’s been a long time.
 
The results begin with Siobhan Magnus. She’s safe. Lee Dewyze and Casey James are also safe, but Paige Miles and Tim Urban are not so lucky. They’re both in the bottom three.

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Tonight’s theme is Billboard #1s, and the mentor is… MILEY CYRUS??? Why? What qualifies her? When in her career has she made a decision on her own without someone else telling her what to do? We know she’s got a movie to promote, but come on.
 
Lee Dewyze is first tonight, and he sings “The Letter.” This is not a song we enjoy under any circumstances, and this is just really awkward. The arrangement isn’t very good, and Lee just does not have the confidence he needs. It’s too bad, because his voice is fantastic, but he’s got to kick everything else up a notch if he wants to remain in the competition until the end. Our rating: 6/10
 
Paige Miles had laryngitis last week. Tonight she sings “Against All Odds,” and she sounds even worse than she did when she was sick. There’s not a single note here that sounds the way it should, and she keeps going from extreme lows to extreme highs, like she can’t decide what she wants to do. The whole thing is a huge mess, and probably the worst performance we’ve seen all season. That’s saying a lot with this bunch. Our rating: 1/10

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