Only two more hours left, finally! And really, the only thing that interests us about tonight is that it’s Simon’s last episode of Idol ever. Wish we could say the same for ourselves.Things get underway with a cheesetastic performance of “School’s Out” by the top 12, complete with a guest appearance by horribly aged Alice Cooper. Not much to say, the whole thing is lame.Last year’s winner Kris Allen performs his new single “The Truth.” It’s harmless, but nothing to write home about. Turns out it’s one of the least painful things we’ll see tonight, though.Of course, being that tonight is Simon’s last at the judges’ table, we have to sit through a million cheesy montages of past footage. The first one is a “lowlights” reel. Moving on.

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Finale week. Thank God. Tonight there are three rounds- round one is contestants’ favorite from the season, round two is producers’ choice, and round three is the coronation song. And Crystal Bowersox won the coin toss and will be performing second.
 
Lee chooses “The Boxer” as his favorite song of the season. Really? Why? This wasn’t bad the first time around, but there are several songs we would have preferred to see again instead of this one. He sounds… okay. Not a big standout, but it’s good, we guess. Our rating: 7/10

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Welcome, boys and girls, to the most predictable Idol results show of all time. We predicted the finale at the beginning of the season, and we knew before the show started last night who’d be going home tonight. And in case it wasn’t already going to be boring enough, there will be performances by Travis Garland and Justin Bieber. Oh well.
 
The first ten minutes of the show are completely useless. Just a lot of babbling and rehashing. And then there’s the Ford music video, which might as well be the same one we’ve seen almost every other week this season. Yawn.
 
The footage from Casey James’s homecoming is pretty much more of the same too. Screaming teenyboppers and creepy middle-aged housewives abound. Casey visits the hospital he was in after his accident six years ago. Hooray!

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Top three week is here, which means there’s only one more week to sit through. Oh, and it also means the contestants are each performing twice tonight. They’ll be singing a song of their own choosing, and a song chosen by the judges.
 
Casey James starts the contestants’ choice round with “OK It’s Alright With Me.” We think it’s really lame that he chooses a folk-sounding song, plays acoustic guitar, but then sings like he’s auditioning for a grunge band. The whole thing is unimpressive. Nothing memorable at all. Our rating: 6/10
 
We’re uber-excited when Crystal Bowersox says she’s going to be singing “Come To My Window,” but it turns out to be a huge disappointment. She starts shaky and off-key, and never gets much better. The whole thing is weak and sloppy and it’s probably her worst performance of the season. Our rating: 4/10

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37 million votes last night, and we still expect the results to be completely predictable and anticlimatic. But, oh well- at least there are performances from Daughtry and Bon Jovi to look forward to. Fantasia as well, but we’re not so much looking forward to that one.
 
Speak of the devil, at least we get Fantasia’s performance of “Bittersweet” out of the way quickly. There’s only one singer in history whose voice annoys us more than hers, and it’s Macy Gray. This is slightly less awkward than her performance last year was, but it’s still terrible.
 
The Ford video is underwhelming. The song isn’t even catchy. Not much to say about it, since it’s pretty much the same commercial we see every week.

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Tonight, we’re actually excited about the show for once. That’s due largely in part to the fact that the theme is “Songs From The Movies,” which means we might actually hear some songs from this century for the first time all season. Also, the mentor is Jamie Foxx, and he did a really good job last year. Here’s hoping it happens again. And finally, not only will we be seeing the usual solo performances, but there will also be two duets.
 
First up is Lee Dewyze, singing “Kiss From a Rose.” We’re really excited about this, until he starts singing and the life is drained out of it. He sounds fine, and it’s a passable performance, but this song has some huge moments, and we expect those, and they just never happen. This is just okay. Our rating: 7/10

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It’s results night again, but before we find out what we actually care to know, we’ll have to sit through performances by Harry Connick, Jr. and Lady Gaga. Wait. Lady Gaga? On Sinatra week? Well, that’s awkward and inappropriate. Oh well, guess they have to fill that hour somehow.
 
First, the top 5 sings a medley of Sinatra standards- in other words, it’s naptime. Every week, we think these group performances couldn’t possibly get any worse. And every week, we’re proven wrong. This is a hot mess.
 
The Ford music video is cutesy and really pretty lame. And the vocals are weak, like the singing was an afterthought. Really? Are we still watching the right show here?

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Sinatra night. What a great theme idea, since the judges are always crying about how the performances aren’t young and current. Note our sarcasm. Also, the mentor is Harry Connick, Jr. We can’t think of too many people more annoying than him. And he’s also responsible for all the arrangements we’ll hear tonight, which we’re not happy about. Seems the contestants are getting less and less control all the time.
 
Aaron Kelly’s rendition of “Fly Me To The Moon” is the same as he always is: shaky and boring. He’s a little better than he’s been the last couple of weeks, but that’s not enough at this point. We’re not impressed. Our rating: 5/10
 
Casey James starts way off key with “Blue Skies,” and he never gets much better. And besides being off key, the whole thing is really incredibly awkward. And what’s with the vibrato? A little is fine, but it’s probably not good to sing like you’re sitting on top of a washing machine. Our rating: 6/10

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Last night, 33 million votes rolled in. Tonight, we learn the results. There will also be performances by Rascal Flatts and Shakira, Sons of Sylvia and Lady Antebellum.
 
Things get underway with the first Rascal Flatts performance of the evening, “Unstoppable.” We like Rascal Flatts, but these vocals are weak. The whole thing is forgettable. We’re excited when it’s over.
 
Now it’s time to go behind the scenes of this week’s Ford music video, where the contestants are being “transformed” into vampires. Well, at least it’s not the usual CGI and cheesy dancing. It’s a pretty obvious homage to Twilight, but that’s okay, we guess. The video is at least entertaining.
 
Which is more than can be said for all the footage of the top 6 meeting the director of Shrek Forever After, recording voiceovers and seeing the movie with a bunch of fans. Really? Why do we care?

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In lieu of a generic “country” week, we’ll be treated to a bunch of dudes singing Shania Twain. Should be interesting. And, of course, she’s also the mentor. Well, at least she isn’t Miley Cyrus.
 
Lee Dewyze opens the show with “You’re Still The One.” We love this song, but this is just not good. The tune is nothing like the original song, and he’s just all over the place. Very disappointing, considering Lee is usually our favorite. Our rating: 6/10

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